Back to December

It was our New Moon movie night on Thursday. We had some Mexican food and wine; me and Miri laughed a lot and Emily was totally appalled by the notion that we thought Bella should have some rebound sex with Jacob. And she snorted when Miri said: “That's just too hasty.... you really shouldn't think about killing yourself before you've seen her tombstone”.

Em was whimpering over shirtless Robert Pattinson. She'll go bazuk for Bel Ami then. Opening scene in the script reads: GEORGES DUROY, 30, handsome, and, on this sweltering night, naked... And for the less informed: Duroy is played by Mr. Pattinson.


Second movie looked a lot better compared to the first one, it wasn't as funny, but Anna Kendrick nailed it once again. They obviously had a bigger budget for special effects and CGI but not for the hair and make up. Although Edward looked much better in this one but nowhere near to 17 of course. If there ever was a 17-year old guy who went to see Twilight movie with his girlfriend, he walked out with major inferiority complex. Edward looks thirty, he's a man with an ongoing five o'clock shadow and the hair on his chest, moaning while kissing a high school girl.
All in all the movie was a bit too dark and angsty for my taste. I bet, back in the days when I was feeling the way this movie looked I would have loved it. I totally get that whole teenage angst shit this series is riding on.

So Edward splits to make a movie called Remember Me and Bella was left with Jacob who had blown up real nice but still had a crappy wig until they decided to take it off and he looked kinda hot, all wet and angry. And the whole movie was about Bella sending Jacob mixed signals and teasing him (but hey, it is a sexual frustration franchise after all) until at the very end she went back to Edward leaving Jacob with broken heart and blue balls.
When I watched Taylor Lautner getting pushed around by Bella, Taylor Swift's Back to December was playing in my head. Yeah, cause Jacob is the kinda guy you don't appreciate until you're fifty, then you wish you would have picked him over those troubled sexy dudes. He might be less imaginative in bed, but he's good to you, loves you and holds you when you get burned, comforts you, brings you ice cream and makes you laugh, fixes you up and then you get bored by the security and comfort and you dump him for this skinny tortured guy who covers you with burning kisses in the alleyway and eye-fucks you in public. And all that Jacob gets is a lame performance at the CMAs stage made up to look like a misty graveyard and “this is me saying that I want you to be there for me when John or Jake or whoever crushes me next”. That's life, you guys, girls always pick the wrong dudes, I know, I've been doing that all my life, and good guys are meant to be used as comforters.



Italian vampire judges where interesting. Once again disguised with bad wigs, but at least Aro I definitely recognized. He's an homage to Armand from Interview with the Vampire, so I bet Stephenie Meyer was crushing over Antonio Banderas once. And who wasn't?

I could have lived without Edward reciting Shakespeare, the vampires voting and the lame ass proposal at the end.

And my Twis arrived. There are six of them. They are all perfectly normal and their van has a pumper sticker saying I drive like a Cullen. What does it mean?